# 30 - I'm craving craving something.

I'm sorry I haven't blogged for a while. Uni was extremely hectic with 2309574320957 assessments and my birthday just passes (yay for me).
Win.

BTW: Blue label is incredible. I still have 1/3 of a bottle from my partay.

Anyhoo.

Thought #1 - Drunkenness.

I reckon that being epically drunk is a lot like when you were a baby.
- You roll around on the floor a lot
- You dribble
- You puke
- Other people usually take care of you (if you're loved)
- Sometimes you shit yourself
- You can't speak coherently
- Fall over a lot
- Cry and can get emotional and chuck tanties

I mean, the list can go on and on.
I actually think its pretty hilarious for people to be in this state and still think that they have sex appeal. They look a little something like this:

Legen-ihopeyourenotlactoseintolerantbecausethenextpartis-dary.

Also, being epically drunk and not remembering the night before is also lots of fun.
Watching 'The Hangover', there were certain instances of that that made me laugh so hard, because I've been in that very same situation.
Not remembering what went down the night before.
Well, actually, most of the time its not the whole night, only parts.
And still, its funny, because people never tell you lies, they always say what you did. I reckon if someone asked that to me one time, i'll mess with them and tell them they chased a stray cat, caught it and started making out with it.
Their reaction - priceless.

There's some things money can't buy
But it can buy a shitload of booze.

Thought #2 - Coles and their lovely little quotes.
This is another stage of how Coles 'quotes' that people apparently say on their products is just stupid.

Exhibit A

This is tonic water.
It tastes like ass.
She doesn't have anything with the tonic water, just a nice clear glass of tonic water and a big smile on her face. Apparently this woman says that "Its a great drink when socializing with friends"
Fail.

Exhibit B

This woman owns a dog who apparently loves dog food. (Note that you can barely SEE the dog, yes, its a blurry picture, but trust me on this). Apparently the dog does handstands for the food. Don't all dogs go apeshit for food when you bring it out? I remember my dog goes bananas when I eat a pack of chips outside and I accidentally drop a crumb 5 minutes after she's had her meal. It also says that she's a dog owner down the bottom. NO SHIT!

Exhibit C

Its an experience to have this drink. A thirst quenching one at that. This is coming from a beach frizbee player named Jim.
What part about this doesn't have fail written all over it?
Over-the-top-cheesy. Plus they couldn't get a real athlete, so they get a random Dad from the beach and take a photo of him diving for a badly photoshopped frizbee.

Thanks Coles.


Thought #3 - More disgusting foods.

In the supermarket the other day, I came across this:

WTF??

Rollmops.
I'll say it again.
Rollmops.
The name doesn't even want you to eat it.
It sounds like something they'd sell you late at night to combat the Oxysteam WonderMop 2000X plus. The new and wonderful rollmop! It rolls as you mop, leaving no trace of dirt. Easy to glide! Only 2 easy payments of $19.95 (plus P&H).
I want to buy it, just to try it, just so I can have something to blog about each week, tasting a bunch of weird and disgusting foods.

Seriously.

Rollmops. Apparently its raw fish swimming in luke-warm brine.
Yum.

And another thing.
I can't stand the DIPping*** of maccas chips into the ice-cream. I tried it once. WRONG. And so many people do it.
Its like having a potato, but instead of sour cream, you have a blob of ice-cream in it. I've described that to people and they weren't fans of the idea, yet they'll still willingly DIP a CHIP*** into some maccas ice-cream.
Tell me please. What is so good about it?
Though hot chip sandwiches are the rad.

*The rumblings from your stomach are called borborygmi*

Hooroo All!

*** If you know about this, you are awesome.

# 29 - I need a break.

I swear, as soon as my final two uni assessments are done, i'm going to just relax my mind and just friggin music, exercise and get pissed.
Just make my braincells relax, and become more firm, because uni has turned them into mush.
Let me spell it out for you:
You have about 1 or 2 assessments a week. They aren't that easy either. Then when it gets to the massive 50% ones at the end of the semester, you have the same amount of time to do them as the smaller ones during. And they say "you should have started them earlier." HOW DO YOU START THEM EARLIER WHEN YOU ARE GIVING US OTHER ASSESSMENTS IN BETWEEN!!!
Good grief.


Thought #1 - How cheap are companies getting?

Like seriously.
I found this article in the paper saying that most of Mars chocolate bars have decreased by 11%, but are still being sold at the same price.
Why?
"Consumer preferred".
What consumer would prefer about a 6 gram difference in chocolate? Where the HELL do they get this information?
Its bullshit statistics deigned to fuck with mass societies head in order to create more revenue for the companies.
Its surprising how lessening the bar by 11% will do for a company. Consider this:
You now need to buy 11 bars for what you could've gotten for 10.

But its not just that.
I was at maccas with a mate the other week, and he got the chicken deluxe burger. This is how its supposed to look:

Fresh and crispy

And this is what he got:

A dish you wouldn't be proud of making.

Like seriously, what's up with that tomato? Its about the size of a five cent piece. What tomato is that small, and WHY would they put it in there? And why is there such a small amount of lettuce? Like seriously, as if lettuce is a costly thing.
(Yeah, i've already ripped on them before, but who cares)

But the bottom line:
We'll still buy this stuff for convenience. Why? Cause we're a lazy culture.


Thought #2 -The lack of intelligence some people have stiff dumbfound me.

Okay.
First things first.
I'm sick of this twilight fad.
I had this conversation with a mate as we lined up to catch a movie not too long ago, and i saw a poster still up for twilight, even though it has been released and is on DVD.
And I said to my mate "I wish twilight and the albino dude would die a horrible death."
To which a small young girl infront of me replied
"Edward can't die because he's a vampire, and Twilight is awesome!"
In a tone that you'd get if you said "Yes, you look fat" to a woman.
Oh. Moi. Gawd.
Also, this dude is the definition of pale and every teen girl seems to dig him:

Paleness goodness.

Which, to me, is one step away from this:

Ginger Kids

Soon, all the girls will be going wild for Ginger!

I mean, an entry from a website I often look at even shows how far this show is getting:

"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy of her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"

*sigh*
I actually feel for this bloke.

Another is this stupid quiz thing that's going around on facebook.
"What does your hair colour mean?"
"What do your eyes say?"
"What type of Gay are you?"
"What Astro Boy character are you?"

WHO FUCKING CARES.

Christ, its like some people seek attention that hard, that they spam up your facebook with all these quizzes, then invite you to do some.
No joke, I got about 21 invites in the course of one day from just ONE person.
WTF is up with that?
Also, people can now make their own quizzes like "how well do you know me?"
I've got a better experiment that i'm going to do:
Change my birthday to the wrong day. Just two days earlier. If people TRULY know me, then they'll wait until my actual birthday. If they don't, they'll just look at the calender and send my "Happy birthday!" messages and try and seem like a good friend, when really, they should know.
It'll be the best Fail-age in history.
... if only I was THAT big of an ass.

*To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles*

Hooroo all!