#8 - Chicken Schnitzels and other foul matters

Har har har, i'm sooooo punny.

Oh well

Dudes and Dudettes, may I remind you that if you read my blog... YOU SHOULD COMMENT! That's all I ask.
I have a fair amount of page views, but only a few amount of people comment.
Not fair.
I go to all this work in creating stuff that just...
Ah screw it. As long as you laugh, i'm happy.

Thought #1 - Itching and Scratching.

May I ask the question, why on earth do we sometimes get itchy for no reason.

And why on earth do we scratch, and not, rub or pat the itchy area?

My hand just got itchy. I have no idea why. I had a great speculation, realised nothing was there TO make it itchy, but when I scratched it, the itchyness went away... for about 5 seconds!
WHY does it come back worse?????
I swear we're tortured like that. Our human instincts are to scratch something thats itchy or anything with a "scratch and sniff" sticker, but our body reacts in such a way that makes it worse than it originally was!!!
Why??
Also, why on earth are we tormented by these stupid things:
They have to be the single most good-for-nothing and pathetic creature ever. What do they do?

1) Suck your blood. I like my blood. 'Nuff said.

2) Make the bite extremely itchy. Have you ever had one in between your fingers or in between your toes? They are terrible. Even worse is on your nipple.
... don't ask.

3) They carry disease. They carry deadly diseases and viruses, and therefore, are a complete plague on society. The only other annoying plague I can think of is George Bush.

Anyhoo, back on itching, there is only 1 good thing I can think of that comes out of itchyness. That is, of course, when you pick your nose in a style that looks like your scratching it, and then you say
"sorry my nose is itchy"
and you get away with it.

Yay in the pants.


Thought #2 - Poo

Well, I think all of you knew this was coming. I was going to write a blog on poo. Here, my friends, is a short list of the type of poos you may do:

Ghost Poo
You can smell it. You can feel it. You can hear it plop, but low and behold, when you look, it's not there!

Poo whisperer
This is a poo which you need to strain and strain and talk yourself through getting through doing it.

The Windy Nugget
As you can imagine, its a poo that follows and is followed by great farts. This is usually a very satisfying poo.

The Embarrassment Log
This is The Windy Nugget in a crowded toilet cubicle or at a quiet family dinner, because, as we all know, when you're sitting on the toilet, farts are 100x louder. The bowl is like an amplifier.

POOpsie daisy.....
This is one of the funniest poos. Its when you go to really push out for a fart, but something more solid follows quickly.

Shy Poo
This is the one, very similar to the Poo Whisperer, where you push and push and push, though only a very small plop happens. Its the smallest nugget you've ever seen. You feel really ripped off when this happens. I know I do.

Bastard Poo
This is the poo that you feel arriving towards your bumcheeks 3 minutes after the Shy Poo. What does that nugget want???

Holy Poo
This is the one that comes out so quick and burns your ring that you usually whisper "Holy Poo" (Other words may be in place of poo)

Very Holy Poo
This one is too big for your bum, but tries to squeeze out anyway. This one hurts like no tomorrow, and many whisperings (or shoutings) of "Holy poo" may occur.

Very Very Holy Poo
The Pope's Poo. He'll bless the toilet after its flushed.

Anyhoo, that'll be all for today. I hope your poo is exciting and satisfying.

*The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache*

Hooroo all!