# 16 - What's the use of autonomy when a button does it all?

Its true. We, as people, are getting lazier.
Then again, lazy CAN be good.

You're probably thinking
"How can lazy be good Evan?"

- Case example -
What if war was declared, but nobody showed up because they're so lazy?
No-one would die, that's wassup!

Thought #1 - Even more stupid ads

Yeah, i know, its time for more ad-kill. Why? Because I can.

Here's the first one...
Now, come on. Seriously. Like, do you really need to bloody put a pregnant woman in what seems to be a bikini top and brief underwear (obviously extremely fashion-sensed here) to advertise non-alcoholic beer?
And non alcoholic beer? That'll be like playing Hungry Hungry Hippos without the hippos. Its just not cool!
Like, this does not, at all, make me want to drink this... "beer"... if you want to call it that. It's a poor effort at advertising.

Now this next one, you've probably seen lots of, but i'm gonna show it anyway.

I mean, this just speaks for itself doesn't it? The funniest part is what's written underneath it...
"Its reported that 50 million women do! This means that many men also suffer."
And as if a man is going to go up to their woman and be all like "I got some new lube cause you're too dry, wanna try it out?"
They'd get lube up their ass.
And THEN questions will be asked.
Fair dinkum some people have got shit for brains.

Thought #2 - late night TV

What ever happened to good quality late night tv?
i flick the channels on at about 1am, and all I get is (mostly) crap crap crap "NEW Pro-activ!" crap crap crap. Its so dumb. I can't find a quality show that i'd lie down in bed and enjoy at about 1 or 2 am in the morning, when my brain is trying to rest. Yes, i go to sleep at an 'early' time, but I have sleeplessness.
Dead set, the only half-decent thing is usually a softcore porno on SBS, but even they aren't on every week.
And then i flicked OH MY GAWD!

boo!

Bloody black and white movies on ABC. I honestly don't know anyone who has watched them. The only time i've ever watched it is when the Count of Monte Christo was on.
LOL @ me.
And foxtel just gives you a larger selection of crap to choose from.
Huzzah for variety!

Oh well.

Thought #3

Poo

... that is all.

*In sweden, there is a ski-thru McDonalds*

Hooroo all!

# 15 - I lost and found a slice of chimney

Once again, i'm sitting in my boxers with a glass of scotch rambling again, so watch out! Then again, I'm usually quite 'comfortable' when I type these things, cause i'm in my pj's or I have boxers on. Read that again and you might figure out what I wear to bed, or don't, cause that might be a bad idea.

Oh well...

Onto what i've been thinking about lately:

Thought #1 - The fashion, style and other trends these days

Is it just me, or is the fashion trends becoming more and more weird? I mean, the only thing that has kept constant throughout the many years have been jeans, and even they change. We all went though a "ripped jean" stage where we bought ripped jeans or we cut them with a pair of scissors and we ripped and frayed them ourselves. Now we're wearing 'skinny' jeans where you can see guys calf muscles through them, they're completely wrong.

c'mon, this does NOT look cool...

I've also noticed that jeans are getting lower and lower lately. What's next.....?

so hot right now...

But, nothing has been worse that some hair-cuts i've seen lately. I saw a girl, who had the back of her head shaved and half of the left side, though, her right side was completely combed over to cover her left. It looked, WRONG.

I've actually been thinking of fashion trends that have stuck within the past decade, and so be honest, the only one which has lived is the 'emo', which in itself is a degenerative trend. To be honest, i think the only thing we can take away from it is the amount of jokes and stuff we can take away from the trend, such as joking about cutting and stuff (even though its a serious issue, we all laugh) and how its made Kodak sales go through the roof cause everyone wants pictures of their fringes on myspace on a black and white or sepia picture.
*sigh*
I'll finish this part of my ranting off with a picture which always makes me laugh (related to the emo culture)

Thought #2 - Have you ever thought...

The creator of Mario was probably high on drugs when making the game? I mean, Mario is a fat plumber with a brother luigi who constantly go down pipes, and to give yourself a 'fighting' chance you eat a 'magic mushroom' which you apparently get bigger OR gives you an extra life... cause these ones are green. You know, you go through all the levels of mario, but you never see a mushroom field. Here, i pose the question, where do they get their magic mushrooms?

And THEN you start seeing a little toadstool man after eating the mushrooms, and you run into a 'magic flower' which makes you reckon you can shoot fireballs out your hands. Not to mention that they're going through 'pipes' and that there's a castle outside, which you enter... fair enough... but THEN you go outside again? What's that about? And where did the fireworks come from?

I think the creator of Mario is a little racist to be honest! Like, he's fat, he's a plumber, he speaks broken english, he's got a moustache, His name is MARIO, he's completely pussy whipped and I can almost garuntee he loves pasta. Go the Italian-American stereotype!

Also, he's a plumber, but we never see him running around with a plunger. What's up with that? That's just not cool. Get it together Nintendo!

To sum up... mario is an addict:

*The points of light that you see behind your eyelids when you shut your eyes really hard are called Phosphenes.*

Hooroo all!

# 14 - Chunky Chutney

I guess i'll get right down to the nitty gritty:

Thought#1 - Antiques Roadshow and English accents

You know, there are things that some people say which make me laugh hysterically. I don't know why, but antiques roadshow just makes me crack up. The old english accents and everything - funniest stuff. Though, lots of men and/or old women (so there aint really any Soap) and antiques... I dunno but that sounds pretty fishy to me. Probably antiquing is a little gay. Maybe even gay furniture?

I dead set found this on antiques roadshow. It's worth 8000 quid.

My mum loves to watch it in the arvos, and one time I was having a lovely piece of moist cake when an old dude comes on and gives another old dude a necklace which apparently is a family 'heirloom' though he also wears it on saturdays with his best frock and people call him Mercedes... *ahem* and the expert says:
"This is a wonderful, exquisite piece of work and, in my understanding would be worth an absolute bundle. Unfortunately its fake and probably worth about 5 quid."
L.O.L.
How cut would you be?
Though, i'd feel ok cause a posh person told me to shut-up.
The english accent is so funny, especially the posh one.
I swear you need to pull an incredibly stupid face just to even speak with an Posh English accent if you're not originally from there.

This guy's almost got it...

Like, i reckon that the english accent is one of the biggest turn-off accents in the world. Of course there's worse in the world, like Indianglish and Engrish, but this has to be really terrible for women, because who would want that banging them?

Thought #2 - Me, Myself and the ridiculous things I do

I spend a lot of time making fun of other people and other things, but I think its about time I may need to pick on my own faults. Here's some of the things I do that probably annoy you:

1) If I go up to buy something or I speak to a stranger, I put on a bit more of a bogan accent. I don't know why, but its true.

2) I am so critical of music it shits people to tears. I try and cut down, but when they ask my opinion of a song or they rant on about how good a song is... I just can't resist.

3) For people who know me, they know that i'll say something before I do it. This happens a LOT. For example "I'm going to my car to get my phone". Do they really need to know? Not really. But the thing is I'll do it to everything. "I'm just grabbin a drink", "I'm gonna do a poo", "I'm gonna punch that hobo". It prolly shits you all to tears.

4) I rant quite a lot. Funny times is that I may say "long story short" and still tell a really long story. This is usually picked on by cluey people.

5) I'm ridiculously random. And if i've got nothing to say, or nothing needs to be said, i'll still say something like "chicken". God knows why.

6) I'm very indecisive. There is a reason for this. I prefer to go with the flow, not dictate the course. I'm easy but difficult like that.

7) I have heaps of little imitations and impressions that I do. Constantly. I'm trying to cut down on them I swear!

8) I fart a lot. Actually, come to think of it, this is a good thing. Better out than in. actually, this gets onto my next point:

9) I talk about farting and poo a lot. Probably not the best topic of conversation at the dinner table...

10) When i'm saying stuff, I may make it to seem like its the most matter-of-fact thing you've ever heard and I use pauses for suspense and side-tracks and everything. Come to think of it, I'm pretty hopeless at speaking in general. I think it might be easier if I kept my mouth closed (except for smiling. People look silly smiling with their mouth closed).

11) I'll always make fun of people "suping up bro" shitty cars, like Hyundai Excels or Pulsars or Mirages or crap, i dunno, Kias. I find it completely pointless, but if doing up their car is a passion of theirs, I shouldn't hold it against them, but I do. Cause i'm retarded.

12) If there's something I can help someone with, I will not stop until I solve that problem. It could be anything, it could be a maths problem for example, but I won't stop. This may SEEM like a good thing, but it can be bad. For example, you ask me a general question, and I know it, but I just can't remember. I will not stop trying to find it, and you'll crack the shits, but will never tell me because i'm so determined.

13) I'm honest. Probably too honest. If girl asks me "do I look fat in this?" or a guy mate asks "Do I have bad B.O.?" and they do, i'll say "yup". I won't even use a euphemism, i'll just be blunt.

14) I'll pull stupid and ridiculous faces in photos that are completely grotesque, but i hope i'll get a laugh.

15) I put myself down too much and put too much pressure and too high an expectation of myself. I get pissed off very easily if I can't do the smallest of tasks easily. Cause i'm retarded like that.


Oh well, I hope you've enjoyed reading some random crap!

*The man who did the voice of bugs bunny was allergic to carrots.*

Hooroo all!