# 14 - Chunky Chutney

I guess i'll get right down to the nitty gritty:

Thought#1 - Antiques Roadshow and English accents

You know, there are things that some people say which make me laugh hysterically. I don't know why, but antiques roadshow just makes me crack up. The old english accents and everything - funniest stuff. Though, lots of men and/or old women (so there aint really any Soap) and antiques... I dunno but that sounds pretty fishy to me. Probably antiquing is a little gay. Maybe even gay furniture?

I dead set found this on antiques roadshow. It's worth 8000 quid.

My mum loves to watch it in the arvos, and one time I was having a lovely piece of moist cake when an old dude comes on and gives another old dude a necklace which apparently is a family 'heirloom' though he also wears it on saturdays with his best frock and people call him Mercedes... *ahem* and the expert says:
"This is a wonderful, exquisite piece of work and, in my understanding would be worth an absolute bundle. Unfortunately its fake and probably worth about 5 quid."
L.O.L.
How cut would you be?
Though, i'd feel ok cause a posh person told me to shut-up.
The english accent is so funny, especially the posh one.
I swear you need to pull an incredibly stupid face just to even speak with an Posh English accent if you're not originally from there.

This guy's almost got it...

Like, i reckon that the english accent is one of the biggest turn-off accents in the world. Of course there's worse in the world, like Indianglish and Engrish, but this has to be really terrible for women, because who would want that banging them?

Thought #2 - Me, Myself and the ridiculous things I do

I spend a lot of time making fun of other people and other things, but I think its about time I may need to pick on my own faults. Here's some of the things I do that probably annoy you:

1) If I go up to buy something or I speak to a stranger, I put on a bit more of a bogan accent. I don't know why, but its true.

2) I am so critical of music it shits people to tears. I try and cut down, but when they ask my opinion of a song or they rant on about how good a song is... I just can't resist.

3) For people who know me, they know that i'll say something before I do it. This happens a LOT. For example "I'm going to my car to get my phone". Do they really need to know? Not really. But the thing is I'll do it to everything. "I'm just grabbin a drink", "I'm gonna do a poo", "I'm gonna punch that hobo". It prolly shits you all to tears.

4) I rant quite a lot. Funny times is that I may say "long story short" and still tell a really long story. This is usually picked on by cluey people.

5) I'm ridiculously random. And if i've got nothing to say, or nothing needs to be said, i'll still say something like "chicken". God knows why.

6) I'm very indecisive. There is a reason for this. I prefer to go with the flow, not dictate the course. I'm easy but difficult like that.

7) I have heaps of little imitations and impressions that I do. Constantly. I'm trying to cut down on them I swear!

8) I fart a lot. Actually, come to think of it, this is a good thing. Better out than in. actually, this gets onto my next point:

9) I talk about farting and poo a lot. Probably not the best topic of conversation at the dinner table...

10) When i'm saying stuff, I may make it to seem like its the most matter-of-fact thing you've ever heard and I use pauses for suspense and side-tracks and everything. Come to think of it, I'm pretty hopeless at speaking in general. I think it might be easier if I kept my mouth closed (except for smiling. People look silly smiling with their mouth closed).

11) I'll always make fun of people "suping up bro" shitty cars, like Hyundai Excels or Pulsars or Mirages or crap, i dunno, Kias. I find it completely pointless, but if doing up their car is a passion of theirs, I shouldn't hold it against them, but I do. Cause i'm retarded.

12) If there's something I can help someone with, I will not stop until I solve that problem. It could be anything, it could be a maths problem for example, but I won't stop. This may SEEM like a good thing, but it can be bad. For example, you ask me a general question, and I know it, but I just can't remember. I will not stop trying to find it, and you'll crack the shits, but will never tell me because i'm so determined.

13) I'm honest. Probably too honest. If girl asks me "do I look fat in this?" or a guy mate asks "Do I have bad B.O.?" and they do, i'll say "yup". I won't even use a euphemism, i'll just be blunt.

14) I'll pull stupid and ridiculous faces in photos that are completely grotesque, but i hope i'll get a laugh.

15) I put myself down too much and put too much pressure and too high an expectation of myself. I get pissed off very easily if I can't do the smallest of tasks easily. Cause i'm retarded like that.


Oh well, I hope you've enjoyed reading some random crap!

*The man who did the voice of bugs bunny was allergic to carrots.*

Hooroo all!