#5 - Uni is done! And flatulence is funny.

Huzzah, finally, everything for Uni is finished for the semester, all I need to do now is wait anxiously for my results. I shouldn't be anxious considering I know I put in the effort, but, sometimes you can't help but worry. And that makes me fart.

Thought # 1 - Farting IS funny.

You know, I honestly think farting was created for humour. When you sit down and truly think about it, there isn't much else in nature that's funnier than a fart. Besides an Orangutan scratching its bum or Michael Jackson, although he's not really natural.
I honestly find flatulence hilarious, but most people when farted near all have the same reaction:

I never understood why...

As I have been thinking (which is hard), instead of farting like we usually do, we could have been designed that the gas escaped through the pores of our skin flawlessly and didn't make a sound, also that it wouldn't smell by using some chemical reaction.
Not to be.
Farting makes a very funny sound and it smells bad.
People always say "It wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't for the smell".
Here's my hypothesis: Farts smell purely so deaf people can enjoy it too.
Reminds me of another poem (I know, I'm on fire with my poems lately)

A Belch is but a gust of wind
That cometh from the Heart,
But should it take a downward turn,
Turneth into a Fart

So if you're going to fart, fart proud! If you think about it, your bum cheeks are merely applauding. And own up to it. No-one likes someone who drops their guts and then pisses off. That's just plain festy.

Although it is fun in Woolies and quickly changing to a different aisle.


Thought #2 - The fool and the wise-ish

You know, I've noticed recently that many of my mates, and I guess people in general, want to ponder and make their intelligence stand out and try and do this through looking wise by making some sort of saying. Either that or try and make their sentences always have a big word or something with insight. Gherkin. I, for one, prefer the method of saying whatever pops into your head (not all the time, that can annoy many people) and most things are quite stupid, but the occasional one will stand out so much better because everything you said previously was silly.

Try it, you might like it.
But I still can't believe it's not butter.


Thought #3 - Funny "Confucius say" jokes

Because I can't think of anything funny, I'll put stuff up which I think is funny.

Confucius say....
- Baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.
- Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
- Man standing on toilet is high on pot.
- Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk
- Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky fingers
- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
- Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!
- Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
- He who makes love in grass, gets piece on earth
- He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons
- Crowded elevator smell different to midget
- A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose
- Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time
- Man who sneeze without hanky take matter in his own hands

Anyhoo, i'll be off

take care all!

* If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.*